Day 05

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your life.

I've had low points in my life. Everyone has. But, despite my trials, I can honestly say that I've never seriously considered ending it all. Often times, I've wondered why I'm here, or why I have to be here, but removing myself from this Earth was the last option to cross my mind. For me, it was all about running away. My flight reaction would begin to kick in when things got truly terrible. If I hit rock bottom, and sometimes I think I've done it more often than I'd like, my first desire is to just let go of everything and start over somewhere new.

The last time I thought about running away wasn't very long ago. Just a few weeks, actually. All of my stress just happened to collide at once, and when that happens, implosion is bound to occur. When I have problems, I need to solve them. I can't sit and whine about them and just hope that they'll solve themselves. I'm the kind of girl that needs to fix something when it breaks, or look for ways to be progressive. Being helpless is not my thing. But, every once in a while, I get too tired because I have too much on my plate, or I just can't fix everything that I want to. That's when I start to think, if I were to head out to the east coast, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore. I could start a new life, and get it right this time around.

I'm lucky enough to be able to very quickly realize how silly that is. I know full well that running away doesn't actually solve my problems. They'll still exist, and my departure becomes a problem for multiple people. I'm not trying to sound conceited, I promise, but I know that I'm needed by others. Checking out of the life I've made is really unlike me. If I'm going to "run away", it's not going to be because I'm tired of life, it's going to be because I want to experience more of it.

There's always something or someone worth living for. Or, in my case, hanging around for. Be resilient. You're going to get hurt, it's going to suck, and it's going to happen more than once, but it's not the end of the road. Don't be defined by your pain, be defined by your strength and ability to overcome.